you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
