if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
