Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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