I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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