I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
