I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
