Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You left your phone here
Wait...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
