Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
