No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
