You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
