I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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