Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
