Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
