I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize