Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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