as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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