I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
