Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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