It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
