I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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