sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
