I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
