Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
