i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
