Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
