I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So squirting runs in the family.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
