This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
