Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i will never coherently bang her
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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