I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
