just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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