So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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