Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
