He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
