pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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