sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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