Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
