I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
