Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
