Ambien. No doubt about it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Someone came in the potted fern
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
