I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it hurts more in the daytime
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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