Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
