dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
