How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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