ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
