i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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