I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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