So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
