sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
