I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
