I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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