do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
