Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
