we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
